A dragging defeat - A review of Manowar's The Final Battle I

Six and a half years after Manowar last released new material in form of the horrible The Lord of Steel, the band has decided to release what is supposed to be its final album in three separate extended plays to make more money. This release is the first of the trilogy and one has to wonder whether the band is ever going to bring the other two to life since it's hard to imagine any overtly positive reactions to this travesty. Those releases might just never come to fruition like the Asgard Saga in collaboration with Wolfgang Hohlbein that was supposed to be released throughout the past decade. Don't get me started on the old-fashioned misogynist cover artwork, the cringe-worthy lyrics or the sub-par production with loud bass guitar sounds and thin electric guitar sounds. Let's strictly talk about the four songs that are offered to anyone who is still willing to give this band that has overstayed its welcome by a decade and a half another shot.

''March of the Heroes into Valhalla'' is an instrumental overture with a weird break that basically separates the tune into two even shorter instrumental tracks. It's not the first time the band has done this as could be witnessed on the endlessly dragging Gods of War. The music manages to establish an epic atmosphere even though it would have had even more energy with actual orchestral sounds instead of keyboard sounds recalling scores for adventure video games of the nineties. One also has to wonder whether such a short extended play consisting of only four songs in total even needed an instrumental overture. The track is average, forgettable and you should skip it right away.

''Blood and Steel'' is an average mid-paced heavy metal tune with domineering bass guitar sounds, decently employed keyboard layers, thin electric guitar riffs and stoic drum patterns that don't impress much. The emotional, epic and skilled vocals by Eric Adams who is going to celebrate his sixty-fifth birthday this year save the tune from mediocrity.

''Sword of the Highlands'' is the best track on here and this above average tune would have even been great if it had been about two minutes shorter towards the end. The cinematic keyboard layers, smooth bagpipe sounds and diversified vocals make this gradually more intense ballad stand out. It's rather a song one would expect from other heavy metal bands like Grave Digger and it's interesting to see Manowar try out something new so late in its career.

Extended play closer ''You Shall Die Before I Die'' also tries out something new but that isn't positive in said case. That's actually an understatement. That might be the single worst song Manowar has ever written. Instrumentally, this song is unspectacular which would make this track boring and forgettable. However, the terrible vocal performance by Joey DeMaio makes this track unintentionally funny. He sounds like a grumpy grandfather who is about to have a stroke. The performance is somewhere between theatrical spoken word efforts and low growls that don't have anything to do with extreme metal but rather with a slightly irritated dog. The track could have been average if it had been sung by Eric Adams but nobody seems to have had the courage to tell Joey DeMaio that he was committing an atrocity. The unusual closer doesn't leave anyone wanting for more and should make most listener wish the band just called it quits already.

Manowar's The Final Battle I isn't a triumphant victory but a dragging defeat. The final result is painfully average and should only please to unconditional Manowar fans who would even praise the recording of Joey DeMaio's farts as masterful true metal. To be fair, this extended play is better than the vapid The Lord of Steel and the unnecessary new recordings of past records which makes this release the best since the Thunder in the Sky extended play ten years earlier. However, this new release is still worse than anything Manowar has recorded in the first three decades of its career which speaks volumes for the quality of the band's accomplishments for the past ten years. Manowar should just quickly complete its final tour and call it quits. Aside of delusional true metal followers who would like to be brave warriors surrounded by female sex slaves as the characters in Manowar's lyrics and on their album covers instead of having boring or no jobs and being domineered by people around them, nobody really wants to listen to any new Manowar material anymore.

Final rating: 45%