Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance (2015) - Watching That Unnecessary Sequel Is a Torturous Exercise Serving No Purpose at All - 2/10 (22/10/24)

The original Samurai Cop is an action film released in the early nineties that was the passion project of a motivated but untalented Iranian director who had moved to the United States of America. Said film is remembered for all the wrong reasons including flat characters, ridiculous continuity mistakes, shallow dialogues, weak plot devices and dreadful settings. To be fair, the film however had energetic action sequences, vivid pace and an overall relatively coherent story. The original movie is thus harshly underrated and qualifies as slightly below average b-movie rather than a complete disaster such as dreadful horror film Hobgoblins for instance.

Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance tries to cash in on the delayed popularity of Samurai Cop as a flawed film. The simple fact that this film tries to be terrible on purpose takes any ounce of soul from this project that the original film undoubtedly had. There are so many things profoundly wrong with Kickstarter project Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance that a master thesis could be written about it. What matters most however is that said film is thoroughly unenjoyable, even for cineasts who are genuinely fascinated by the original film or who like to watch bad movies for fun with their friends on a Friday night.

The bland, confusing and uneven story revolves around former cop Joe Marshall who lives in complete isolation after the murder of his wife. When the criminal organization he had defeated two and a half decades ago is on the rise again, his former partner Frank Washington asks him for help.

Let's try to enumerate all the things that are wrong with this film. First and foremost, the story is riddled with weird twists and turns, generally paper thin and absurdly contradicts several elements shown in the original movie. Characters who had been killed on screen two and a half decades ago are suddenly alive and kicking. A whole set of characters that weren't in the original film are suddenly presented as key characters in this film. This movie has so many continuity errors that it makes the original film look like a masterpiece in comparison.

The acting performances are absolutely dreadful throughout this movie. There is no positive exception to be found, not even an average actress or actor to provide at least a bare minimum of quality. While the characters in the original film were flat and stereotypical without a doubt, they were at least partially memorable and some of the cast truly did the best it could to develop its acting careers. Mathew Karedas' already limited acting skills have significantly decreased in the past two and a half decades and his facial expressions would best fit at the local suburban ghost train on Halloween. Mark Frazer's acting and role are as shallow as non-playable characters from shoddy video games. Bai Ling, once a genuinely talented actress, has ruined her life with addictions and crimes and comes off as a fake, obnoxious and untalented diva whose voice will make your ears bleed within seconds. Tommy Wiseau's skills are so dreadful that he had to be fed all of his lines off camera and still, his delivery is atrocious and it's truly difficult to understand what he is saying at all. For his own sake, Tommy Wiseau is in desperate need for an advanced English class and prolonged sessions with a professional speech therapist. Lastly, I must point ou Shane Ryan-Reid who somehow manages to even do worse than any other member of a cast of failed actresses and actors. His so-called acting is best compared to a very tiny aggressive dog on drugs. One has to wonder how desperate a human being needs to be to deliver such a terrible performance and then release it to the world.

Even the most optimistic cineast won't find any genuinely positive elements related to that disasterpiece. The camera work is dark, static and unfocused. The settings have even less charme than the ordinary ones in the original movie. The soundtrack is absolutely dreadful and includes stereotypical gangster rap music that regrettably rose to success in the late nineties. The sound effects sound absolutely ridiculous. The visual effects are some of the worst to ever have been used in a movie and one has to point out the death of Bai Ling's shoddy character as a horrifyingly terrible moment.

There are only two very shallow reasons indeed why this movie deserves two points at all. First and foremost, Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance features numerous action scenes that are generally at least slightly better choreographed than in the original film. Secondly and lastly, this movie is entertaining for the numerous cameos of dreadful actresses and actors from the past, the present and the future. Let that cabinet of atrocities be a genuine warning to make something decent out of your life.

To keep it short, do yourself a favour and don't watch Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance. The reason why I watched that flick at all is because I was curious to see how it compared to the original film. As it is now, I'm only filled with regret. That movie is so bad that it's not even so bad that it's good anymore. Watching the original Samurai Cop is at least an entertaining task but making it through that unnecessary sequel is a torturous exercise serving no purpose at all.