Thirty Miles from Nowhere (2018) - Nowhere Near a Decent Horror Movie - 3/10 (04/07/24)

Thirty Miles from Nowhere is a below average Australian-American horror film. The story revolves around five college pals who return to rural Wisconsin for the funeral of one of their friends who committed suicide for vague reasons. The negative atmosphere is further enhanced by the odd behaviour of the widow and the deceased's mother who suffers from dementia. When a heavy storm comes up, the five pals are stuck in a cabin that hides more than one dark secret. As old tensions resurface, the second night at the cabin becomes a quest for survival.

Let's start with the few positive elements regarding that weak movie. First and foremost, the film develops some tense atmosphere in its second half thanks to the intense storm, the movie taking place at night and the sinister location. The ending comes around with a twist that certainly walks off the beaten path and offers food for discussion and thought. Lastly, I would like to point out actress Cathy Shim as the most charismatic presence on screen.

Everything else is a disappointment. The dialogues are incredibly childish and make the characters extremely antipathic. The decisions made by all characters throughout the film are ridiculous. In general, the characters aren't fleshed out at all and remain terribly superficial. The scary moments in the film fail to leave any significant impression. The acting performance of the antagonist is one of the worst to have ever been filmed and I sincerely state this as someone who has been watching several thousands of movies. Even Tommy Wiseau would have done a more authentic job. While the ending comes around with a twist, it's actually shockingly ridiculous and asks for a complete suspension of disbelief.

At the end of the day, don't hesitate at all to skip Thirty Miles from Nowhere altogether. Even adamant horror movie enthusiasts won't be enjoying such a film. Even people who might want to watch that film just to have a good laugh won't be satisfied by the film's dreadful dialogues and dragging pace. Everyone involved in that production from near or far should aspire to achieve much better things in the future or change careers altogether.