Disgracefully terrible but hilariously entertaining - A review of Six Feet Under's Nightmares of the Decomposed

There are some bands that are so bad that they become unintentionally funny which makes them somewhat entertaining. This has been the case for the high number of laughable MySpace black metal one-man projects, numerous underground brutal death metal bands and garage thrash metal bands with poser images. Most of those bands are hilarious trainwrecks but they are quite obscure and generally disappear as quickly as they have risen to unintentional infamous attention. Six Feet Under however is a special case. That band has been releasing terrible records for two and a half decades but everytime you think that it can't get worse, the band somehow manages to lower the bar once again. Especially the band's cover album series is pure comedy gold. Listening Six Feet Under's Nightmares of the Decomposed is like watching Tommy Wiseau's The Room.

Objectively speaking, that album would perhaps be worth five percent. Almost everything that could be wrong with an album has gone wrong here. The production is uneven and flat in a way that it takes away any potential energy and becomes at times confusing. The song writing is extremely flat with a lack of basic structure as songs start randomly, plod along and suddenly end at a certain point. There is not an ounce of creativity, no significant development and no logical guideline in any of those twelve songs. The lyrics are so simplistic that they are frankly stated stupid and seem to have been written by an edgy teenager who is in his first year of learning English as a third language. The guitar riffs are generally weak, grooving and plodding along without any direction. They are mostly rather slow which doesn't fit the laughable lyrics that intent to shock and evoke images of guts and gore. The rhythm section is mostly completely out of rhythm and sounds as if the involved musicians had only learned to play their instruments a week before recording this output.

The worst offender are however the vocals. I have never listened to a vocalist who sounded as much out of breath and out of rhythm as Chris Barnes. He struggles to breathe, squeal and utter his vocals. They usually randomly appear thirty seconds into a song that sounds like a garage jam, helplessly try to keep track and even decrease in quality as the tunes progress. The slow low growls make think of a seventy-five year old chain smoker with throat cancer in a retirement home. The strange squeals don't make me think of a dying pig but rather of a parody of Kermit the Frog. The worst moments are when the instruments stop and you can hear some isolated helplessly uttered vocals that make you think of a homeless drunk awakening from a nightmare. The lack of talent really shines through most in those moments as they evoke nothing but pity.

However, as strange as this may sound, Six Feet Under's Nightmares of the Decomposed is actually entertaining. With every new tune, you can expect another incredible slapstick moment. The isolated vocals in the completely incoherent ''Zodiac'' make you laugh out loud. The squealing screams in ''The Rotting'' take you by surprise and leave you in disbelief that anyone could possibly think that they were a great idea in the first place. ''Blood of the Zombie'' sounds so weak, slow and lazy that it could come from a sleepy gothic doom metal band on a drug trip. ''Drink Blood, Get High'' features lyrics filled with so many stereotypes that they could actually explain how that wreck of an album has actually been created. If the musicians involved in Six Feet Under were even remotely serious about their album, they should at least have reduced their drug use while recording it.

Objectively speaking, Six Feet Under's Nightmares of the Decomposed is only worth about five percent, namely for the decent opener ''Amputator'' that provides some fierce energy. Subjectively speaking, that trainwreck of an album is hilariously entertaining and best enjoyed with a few friends and a couple of drinks which makes it worth about fifty percent. Imagine taking as sip each time Chris Barnes is out of rhythm, squeals like a frog or endlessly repeats the chorus. You would be rushed to the hospital halfway through the record. However, this review isn't meant to encourage alcoholism. It's however meant to explain that this album is terrible if you take it seriously but actually diverting from time to time in its worst moments if you take it as a joke. If you combine those two potential approaches, a final rating of twenty-eight percent is the most reasonable rating.

On a closing side note, this album's limited edition includes the entire Unburied record, a face mask, a flag, a poster and even a t-shirt. I would like to see more special editions like these for decent bands and great albums. This colourful package might be the only seriously great element about Six Feet Under's Nightmares of the Decomposed.

Final rating: 28%