Eluveitie - Vên (2005) - A shame and offense to any folk metal band - 5% (16/03/11)

I feel really mixed about Eluveitie. I discovered the band when they released the very good "Slania" album and I also liked the live album "Live at Metalcamp". I liked a couple of songs from the acoustic output "Evocation I - The Arcane Dominion" but most of the album was rather boring and lacked of some originality as almost every folk metal band is doing acoustic albums right now. I felt then disappointed about "Everything remains as it never was" as it has less folk influences and sounded rather like an average melodic death metal record with a few exceptions. So I decided to discover the first recordings of the band in the hope to find some more folk elements in there.

What I discovered is though one of the worst metal albums I've ever listened to in my life. It was already tough to get through those six songs once and for this review I even gave a second try to it. My sacrifice shall be honoured.

"D'Vêritû Agâge D'Bitu" is the expectable acoustic introduction that tries to build up a spiritual atmosphere. The narrator sounds like a drunken guy with spelling mistakes while a choir of drunken men repeats the title for a long while. When the folk instruments and heavy guitars get in, one expects that something may be developed on this but the same melody and riff is simply repeated for about almost one minute and leads to the second track.

"Uis Elveti" is the first real song on this record. Instead of kicking the song off after the boring introduction, there is a new introduction to the song. A dumb riff gets in with flutes that play always the same melody. The singer growls in a melodic death metal style and doesn't fit at all to the folk music and the drunken choir of men in the background. A lost woman also sings one line at a moment, maybe just before she will be raped by some drunken Celtic warriors. The song varies at some points but the whole thing sounds quite incoherent. Sometimes the song sounds like modern metal with dumb riffs, then like average melodic death metal, then like an unprofessional folk song recorded by a bored band playing in an Irish pub while a choir is singing from time to time. The point is that the song doesn't get to a point. The mixture of Limp Bizkit meets In Flames meets Cruachan just sounds awful. At least, the song has got some diversity and is probably the best on the record. Best means in here that the track is only incoherent and dull but has at least some ambitions.

The next track is "Ôrô", another instrumental folk interlude. A horn plays one note or maybe two throughout the whole while we hear some thunder and rain. That last for one minute before a piper plays a little random melody until the end of the track. The song might work for the soundtrack of a historical war movie but as an interlude on such a short record, it is simply pointless and boring lacking of any highlights.

"Lament" begins with an annoying instrument that causes immediate headaches while some random folk instruments play along. A dumb riff gets in and the melodic death metal part begins that has no connection to the beginning at all. The guitar sound is very dumb and bad, the drums are way too loud and the singer plays growler and storyteller at the same time while the drunk choir appears from time to time to sing "Hey, hey!" or "Heyaheyahey!". The band tries to add some variety to the sound but sounds once again just overloaded and pointless and it gets more and more ridiculous. The song is even worse than the second track as the instruments are even more random and as the singer does a quite bad job and sounds sometimes like a shrieking raven falling from a tree. I rarely heard something that ridiculous.

"Druid" starts without introduction and directly gets over to fast and dumb guitar riffs and boring drum patterns just to change for some flute melodies before the death metal parts kicks off again. This schizophrenic and pointless style is kept until the very end. The vocal performance is maybe even worse than on "Lament" and instead of getting better the record gets more and more horrible what I didn't expect to be possible after the boring and way below average beginning. I don't know why this song lasts almost seven minutes. Maybe it's just an evil spell of some druids that want to torture us for our stupidity to have bought this horrible record.

"Jêzaïg" is an acoustic track to close the album and as closure track, it's way too long. At least, the horrible vocals aren't included on this song, well not that much at least. We listen to some boring flute and piper melodies mixed with some sound effects, dumb guitar riffs and horrible random background growls. After one minute everything is said and played and teh song is stretched to almost five minutes. The flute solo is probably the worst I have ever heard in my life. Notes are missed, the sound is weak and it doesn't fit at all with the rest of the music. An instrumental track can't be worse than this crap and the band dishonours all the great folk metal bands out there with this trash.

What a bad album. "Uis elveti" is a mediocre song; the other ones are simply awful and completely fail. I can't even tell which song is the worst, they are all horrible. Everything is bad: the song structures, the riffs, the drum play, the vocals, the folk instruments, the sound. The best thing about the album is its short length and the cover. I can't get it that this is the same band that later released "Slania" and that this thing got them a record deal or was rerecorded or re-mastered, it's a complete waste of time and talent. I never ever gave a rating below ten points on this site and I've done many reviews, but this thing is worth it. Just avoid this at all costs. This record will be banned from my collection and hopefully be erased from my mind one day. May the druids rest in peace.